DOMESTIC ABUSE ADVOCATE

WHAT IS AN ADVOCATE?

An advocate is a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy.

WHAT ARE MY AIMS AS AN ADVOCATE?

 

  1. Firstly and most importantly, I hope to raise awareness of male domestic abuse, in the hope that I can encourage men (and women) who are suffering from abuse, to come forward and seek the help that they need.​ 

  2. To change the thought process of front line staff, particularly Police Officers who attend domestic situations. I would like them to keep an open mind and to consider that the man, regardless of his job or physical stature, may actually be the victim. And to offer him the same advice and support that they would, a female victim.

  3. To combat negative public attitudes about male domestic abuse. In particular, on Social Media, where I have been genuinely shocked by the hostile response that I have received, for simply suggesting that ALL victims of domestic abuse deserve to receive equal support.

  4. To challenge press, government, police articles, campaigns and legislation, that fails to be inclusive of men when discussing the effects of domestic abuse and how survivors should be cared for.

  5. Domestic abuse is an issue that is costing U.K. businesses, 2.7 billion a year in decreased productivity, poor performance, absenteeism and employee turnover. I work with businesses to encourage them to offer real support to staff that are experiencing domestic abuse.                     

 

Did you know that a recent analysis by The Trust For London and Henry Smith Charity highlighted the cost of domestic abuse to the public purse across England alone, was - A minimum of £5 million each week in every region. In England, the total cost of domestic abuse is £5.5 billion, which is:

  • £1.6 billion for physical and mental health.

  • £1.2 billion in criminal justice system costs.

  • £268 million in social services costs.

  • £185.7 million in housing and refuge costs.

  • £366.7 million in civil legal costs.

  • £1.8 billion in lost economic output.

 

So, why am I an advocate and why am I concentrating on supporting men only?

For me, it's very personal. I know plenty about domestic abuse, having spent a number of years with an abusive partner. I understand the financial, sexual and physical abuse, and the manipulation and intimidation tactics that can make it so hard to leave. As a man, I also understand the stigma, the guilt and the fear of not being believed by the Police and authorities. I have stood on a chair with a rope around my neck, contemplating ending it all because I didn’t see a way out. Luckily for me, the thought of my children stopped me from tipping that chair over.

A decade later, It's only been in the last few months that I've really been able to open up and start to discuss my experiences with people other than those closest to me. However, it's time for me to stand up, share my experience and spread the word far and wide.

 

Domestic abuse against women gets wide spread coverage but abuse against men, remains a taboo subject. Men need support and attitudes need to change.

 

Let me be crystal clear, domestic abuse in all of it's forms, regardless of who it involves, is absolutely abhorrent and I'm against it in all of its forms.

As a Royal Military Policeman, I attended a number of domestic abuse situations involving service personnel. However, I can honestly say that when I attended those situations, I never, not once, considered the victim to be the male. It never entered my mind that a serviceman, who's job ultimately involves being trained to kill people, could ever be the victim of abuse from his wife. I also had the attitude of, "Why don't you just leave him?" when it came to female victims of abuse. I'm now embarrassed by my lack of knowledge, compassion and understanding and I feel for the people that I dealt with all those years ago. Little did I know at the time, that decades later I would get first hand experience of what it was like to be a domestic abuse victim.

To book me to give a talk to your organisation, please contact me directly on: 07853 621303.

 

Did you know that:

  • The police receive a 999 call every three minutes from a male victim.

  • 1 in 6 men will experience Domestic Violence in their life.

  • Every third victim of Domestic Violence is a man.

  • Domestic Violence equates to approximately 25% of all reported violent crimes.

  • 9% of all reported violent crimes are Domestic Violence cases involving male victims.

  • Approximately 4 million men are affected every year by domestic violence.

  • Practically the same percentage of men as women are victims of severe acts of Domestic Violence.

  • Male victims are over three times as likely as women to keep their abuse a secret, or refuse to tell the police or medical professional.

Domestic abuse is a crime.

If you are in immediate danger always call the police, and always dial 999 if it is an emergency. They have a duty to protect and help you.

If you visit any of these websites, please read the hide your visit / cover your tracks / safety information – or click on Exit Website.

Mankind

Helpline: 01823 334244

mankind.org.uk

The Mankind Initiative supports male victims of domestic violence, though it helps all callers regardless of sex, race or sexual orientation. Call the helpline on 01823 334 244 at any time to receive up-to-date information on helpline availability or check out services at their website. There is also a referral system for single men or men with children fleeing from domestic violence.

Broken Rainbow

Freephone: 0800 999 5428

brokenrainbow.org.uk

Our National Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans* (LGBT) Domestic Violence Helpline provides confidential support to all members of the LGBT communities, their family, friends, and agencies supporting them. The helpline is run by trained LGBT people and provides a space where you can talk through what is going on, and explore your options.

Men's Advice Line

Helpline: 0808 801 0327

mensadviceline.org.uk

Men in same-sex relationships

Monday and Wednesday, 9am to 10pm

Offers advice, information and listening support for men with experience of domestic abuse. Includes help for men in same-sex and heterosexual relationships

Abused Men in Scotland (Mon-Fri 9-4)

Helpline: 0800 800 0024

abusedmeninscotland.org

We support men who are experiencing or who have experienced domestic abuse and also to offer advice to those concerned about the position of such men and their children. We work with any man over 16 concerned about domestic abuse, regardless of sexuality, transgender status or history, age, dis/ability, religion, race, nationality or ethnic origin and promote full recognition for male victims of domestic abuse and their affected children. We also promote specialist services to help relieve the isolation, distress and hardship faced by male victims and enable men and their children to recover from domestic abuse.

Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline

Helpline number: 0800 027 1234

sdafmh.org.uk

Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage helpline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. We support anyone in Scotland who has experienced, or is at risk of experiencing domestic abuse or forced marriage, as well as those concerned about someone they know experiencing these. We can discuss your options and provide contact details to relevant support agencies. We will help you regardless of age, disability, sexual orientation, gender, nationality or background. If English is not your first language, we can speak to you through a confidential translation service.

The Dyn Project

Helpline: 0808 801 0321

dynwales.org

The Safer Wales Dyn Helpline provides free confidential support to all men who experience domestic abuse in Wales. We can provide: Information on services available in your area. Help in developing a personalised safety plan. Support in accessing other services and organisations. Someone to listen without judging.

Men's Aid

Helpline: 0871 223 9986 (8am to 8pm daily)

mensaid.co.uk

Provides free practical advice and support to men who have been abused.

Respect

Helpline for Male Victims of Domestic Violence: 0808 801 0327

Helpline for Domestic Violence Perpetrators: 0808 802 4040

respect.uk.net

I was delighted to give talks to the following organisations

Robert Wells - Author.

Change your mindset, change your life.

 

The 12 Steps, a LIFEREADY guide to motivation, is a simple, honest, common sense approach to improving your mindset. Guiding and encouraging you to break free of mediocrity, revisiting your dreams and turning them into a reality.

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​CONTACT ROBERT

MOBILE/CELL: +44 (0) 7853621303

EMAIL: wearelifeready@gmail.com

London, England.